The Optimistic Traveller

After my first cruise, I thought I’d never go again.

It was our honeymoon and Mike’s idea, and I certainly enjoyed the stops on our week away from home in Rome, Italy (Genoa, Monte Carlo, Valencia, Tunis, Valetta), none of which I’d visited before. Malta was probably my favorite, being the most unfamiliar architecturally, with Genoa a close second, with many good markets and a spectrum of ethnicities represented. Surprisingly, there was a huge language barrier in Valencia despite my usual ability to comprehend Spanish, and the food was not to our liking; in fact, to this day I will not visit a Spanish restaurant unless I go to Spain again under better counsel.

For a very long time after the voyage, I thought that every cruise operated similarly to that first MSC one: assigned seating at dinner with other newlyweds – all of whom were Italian. Thus, our evening conversations felt a bit stilted, the warmth of job interviews or doctor visits, due to our (at that time) less than fluent Italian. Grouping us also removed anything special about us having just married – we were just another couple (of morons?) who’d tied the knot. It cut down on the romance I expected out of a honeymoon.

I was really proud that I had saved all the money for that trip and the wedding fund in my own account, so I guess that’s another reason why I was hypersensitive (cheap?) about the costs involved and the question as to whether the arranged excursions or ship transfers were necessary expenses.

I had always thought cruises were supposed to be all-inclusive, a bonanza of food and everflowing wine. It annoyed me that even water was extra, but then again, bottled water in Italian restaurants is always extra, and no one asks for (or offers) tap even though, at least in Rome, it is probably the best tap water in the world, sent down through an elaborate system of ancient and still fully functioning aqueducts that channel mountain (spring) water down from the surrounding hills in the province.

We’ve since been on MSC several times, and of course never had to sit with Luigi and Alessandra, Marco and Marta, Salvatore and Federica ever again – though a part of me misses them. And yes, I made up those names just now, but close enough. That was a fleeting time, no pun intended, when I found Italian arduous to speak. Nowadays I cherish the opportunities to speak it.

Italians are known mariners, in case you’re unaware. Their history has in many ways defined their future, and there is much opportunity for maritime education in the country. In fact, it will be rare, on any cruise you select, to find a captain who isn’t Italian. On my last cruise out of New York, I was introduced to the captain, and we spent several minutes chatting in Italian, as he clearly enjoyed speaking in his native tongue.

As the years passed, and at my husband’s insistence (ease of booking, family-friendly prices), we tried numerous cruise lines:  Carnival (the most affordable), Norwegian, Royal Caribbean, Holland America, and Princess to be exact. Our time with Carnival started because of a mutual love of poker playing – those boats had electronic poker tables and had advertised compelling tournaments, allowing “real” poker playing against other players and not just the semi-rigged dealer opponent tables. One time, I played (and won) cash games against world champion Chris Moneymaker, who had joined as a celebrity guest for a few days. In a tournament, I also won a buy-in ($2500) to a multi-day (larger) tournament in Las Vegas. Those were the days; Carnival babysitting was free during the day and $5/hour after dinner. We usually came home with winnings of some kind, and bellies full of softserve.

In the last couple of years, we’ve been travelling the world on cruises because we get so many low-cost or resort-fee-only offers from casinos who capitalize on the link to travelers who gamble. I am headed up the ranks with Princess for this reason. (I may be the CEO soon.) The more I cruise, the more I want to cruise, because the weirder and better the cruising gets. 

Many travelers are stereotypical, wearing matching shirts, decorating their doors, going on all the oft-overpriced excursions arranged by the company, and sitting in mobilizers even though they’re fully capable of walking. A lot of the time people choose to stay on the boat while at port, preferring the on-deck pools and hot tubs to the unknown of a foreign city or a beach they’ve been to a million times before. Others are seasoned, wealthy, retired types, and some of these even live from boat to boat, buying lifetime contracts. They’ve seen it all and done it all.

We’re somewhere in between, I guess. We eat a lot, and if we’ve sprung for or been gifted a drink package, we definitely don’t let it go to waste. We love a balcony and leaving the door open to sleep with the sound of crashing waves. We have our routines. We’re old hats at muster stations and the best times to get on and off the boats and which showtimes are most convenient. I refuse to stay on a boat while at port. Sure, I’ll sleep in if I’ve been there before, but I won’t waste an opportunity to see something new on a walk through town or a hop on/hop off bus. At this point, too, we always know what to bring on board, whether it’s magnetic hooks from Dollar Tree for extra towels or jackets, or the right number and type of shoes. 

While your tips are billed automatically every day, you can (discreetly) tip additional. I generally leave nice clothing with little wear as tips, things that weren’t perfect on me for whatever reason; stateroom staff generally send them home for family to keep or sell and are extremely appreciative, as they don’t usually get back for 9 months to a year. An easy way to “tip” without spending any extra money is to mention cruise staff by name in the after-disembarkation survey. It’s about the only way they will be promoted or get any kind of say as to where they are sent next. In speaking with a hairdresser on one recent cruise, his skills and experience evident, he informed me (because I asked) that on any service, he only makes the listed service charge — no portion of the actual cost. Of course, in these instances (if you are happy with the service), you simply must add an additional gratuity.

The standards they are exacted to are extremely high. Precision and uniformity on anything from bedmaking to breadmaking are demanded and given. Staff that have “hidden talents” (think ice sculpting!) will not be hiding for long. On the final day of the cruise, there is usually a special meal in the dining rooms and a display of something spectacular like ornate cakes or watermelons cut into the shapes of sea creatures in the buffet area. Most cruise staff have multiple roles and are expected to sing and/or dance in a group during or after the last meal. For wannabe performers, it must be fun. I once witnessed a dining waitstaff lady with a mediocre voice singing far beyond her allotted time; just when you thought she was finishing, there came another stanza. It was her moment to shine. Conversely, for introverts, it’s probably Hell.

A lot of travelers are dubious of regular cruisegoers, and I can see why. I recently stumbled into yet another stereotypical quirk when I found a small rubber duck hidden on a ship. The floodgates opened, and I learned there is an entire community of people who go on cruises and hide and find ducks of all shapes and sizes, posting pictures in Facebook groups, decorating the ducks laboriously or attaching them to other items or making jewelry out of them, organizing exchanges, and spending a lot of effort and money on what could possibly be viewed as a silly endeavor. Some people wear duck paraphernalia as well, and travel in groups, ostensibly quacking and waddling together.

Just kidding about the last part. After I found that first duck, surprisingly late in my cruisegoing career, I started researching the best places to get ducks of all shapes and sizes, and how best to identify/commemorate them in line with my upcoming cruises. Ah, the yellow plastic underbelly of cruiselife I have entered.

I think your Optimistic Traveller wishes to leave you with this main message about cruising:  As with any sort of travel endeavor, it will be what you make of it. I recently took a friend with me on a week to New England and Canada, and we had a blast doing karaoke at night and eating like war was coming tomorrow. Because maybe it was! There is a bounty of food and entertainment options on board every single day, and when you get off the ship, you have the benefit of seeing several places for one price. Sure, you may be limited to only a few hours in each port, but it’s a good vignette. Maybe you’ll like a spot enough to come back and spend longer. Some boats have bumper cars or full-fledged rides, many have adult-friendly water slides (my favorite), and almost all have ball courts and jogging paths. And of course, there’s always the indoor gym and spa. On another recent trip, Holland’s spa had a water massage pool we were able to try for free with a promotion. It was delightful! The fact is, whether you’re looking for an easy, read all day kind of vacation, or an adventurous, dance all night one (or both), cruises are certainly worth a go.

I hope I’ll be “seaing” you soon. Ahoy!